Even when people do the right thing, it doesn’t mean they feel it’s the right thing to do. Often I have to remember to separate the deed from the person’s true intent. I participated in a tedious two week long training session in Redondo Beach California this month and met some very interesting characters. Not the least of which was one of my instructors.

Before I delve into this any further, let me share that I have tried as of late to practice patience although this seems to go against my true instinct as a person. Now, this one instructor was actually in training herself, as she was recently promoted from a call center customer service roll to the Training Department. E*Trade has embarked upon a unique initiative by integrating experienced brokers into their heavily tech reliant business. With this in mind, it seems as though the company is still developing training curriculum and the instructors to deliver the message to our rapidly growing segment of the E*Trade family.

The first week our instructor friend, let’s just call her “Sue”, played the background while she impatiently waited for her portion of the agenda to teach us all on her own. The entire time she was “co-signing” every comment that the lead instructor was making. After 5 days of hearing someone repeat every other word like a parrot, my patience and positive attitude was certainly tested. It wasn’t until the second week however, that she was given carte blanche over our class. Oh boy! What does this have to do with anything you may ask? Well, I’m merely setting the stage for the entire point I am trying to illustrate.

Continuing on… it became apparent very quickly that Sue was losing control over the class as attentions and respect for her authority began to wane. With very little confidence about the direction she was heading in at any given time, she began to ask for cooperation from the class (I would imagine to draw attention and the flying tomatoes away from herself). At times idle chit chat became quite the norm and in order to quell this rebellion she had to make an example out of someone. Yup you guessed it…that someone was your truly. Now, I admit that I was not “fully joy” at all times. However, I was not playing the class clown as you might imagine. At one point in particular I had my head down reading something on a hand out when I was reprimanded for not paying attention like a 3rd grader in math class.

Well let’s just say that I didn’t appreciate her isolating me as the Nat Turner of the group. The bitterness between the two of us grew and even spilled over to some lunch time conversation where I became (or so I was told) visibly upset by some of her comments and overall character. There were other incidents that I will not dwell on by sharing but the point is that I reacted by using an age old defense mechanism I like to call “The Block”. That’s right…just shut down and block all of the negativity. In fact it got to the point where I was no longer participating in class discussions to completely safeguard myself from any potential snide remarks.

This of course was very childish of me and I recognize that. But it’s easy to shut down sometimes and be mad at the world. In my opinion at the time it was better than the alternative of losing my cool. A better solution might have been to confront her about my concerns but I opted against that and reminded myself that she would be out of my life at the conclusion of the training. The tension in the room continued to mount but I didn’t let that ruin my learning atmosphere or the relationships I had built with my co-workers. At the end of training everyone was saying goodbye to each other and exchanging personal email addresses. I slipped out the door only to remember that I left a notepad in the conference room. When I doubled back I bumped into a female classmate who proceeded to say her farewell by giving me a hug. When Sue saw this compassionate (yet professional) exchange, she immediately came over to give her goodbye hug.

Okay now here is the crux of that entirely too long lead in…I knew that I didn’t want to hug this person and act like we got along during the entire training. At that point I could either run away or embrace her without the meaning typically attached to such an exchange between two comrades. What was even worse is that I knew that Sue didn’t have any intention on hugging me in the first place. In fact, had I not returned to the conference room she might not have said anything. Yet, here I was face to face with my two week long nemesis and her disingenuous peace offering.

So what happened you ask? I clutched my suitcase, spare bag and computer case as tight as I could to show that I had no interest in releasing these instruments of my getaway. Yet she continued to charge, finally wrapping her bear claws around my Samsonite suitcase and Dell bag which was slung over my shoulder. I clammed up like a 7 year old forced to kiss his long lost aunt Petunia at the 5 year family reunion. Her cold embrace was a sign to those that remained in the room that deep down she actually did have a heart. That no matter what happened in the prior two weeks; this was the whitewash of misery past and a suggestive nudge toward positive commenting on her training evaluation.

Once again I say, even if people appear to do the right thing, it doesn’t mean that they do it for the right reason!!!!!!!!!!!

As with most of my odd stories in the annals of the The Live Wire, I would like to close with an update on my life. While in California, Felicia came to visit me for an extended weekend getaway. On May 20th we drove down the coast to La Jolla to celebrate her birthday. After lunch we took a stroll along La Jolla cove and saw some of the most beautiful sights southern California has to offer. After spotting an elevated flat rock above the ocean I pulled out a ring and asked her to marry me. She said yes…which is always a good sign.

We don’t have any definite planes yet but we thought about a destination wedding or just running away to Vegas. That became holding a small ceremony in Vegas but who knows at this point. I will keep you posted as we work this out. For now, I’m signing off. Until the next episode….

One of the most interesting things about the current chapter in my life story is that I have now had four different employers in the span of five months. An outsider could (and some have) look at this snapshot and conclude a lot of things. They may have the impression that I am disloyal and unconcerned about a career. Perhaps I may be viewed as a wanderer or a professional with adult onset ADD. I know though that I cannot control what people think of me, therefore, I must mold myself in the best possible way according to the standards that have been set by my co-creators and my own life experiences.

If life is about progress, then it would be in our best interest to move forward with every step that we take. In some cases it may even be advisable to take two steps further because as humans, we are bound to be knocked back once. While we all face certain adversity and struggle, to stand still is to choose not to live. In order to persevere with courage, I know that I must recognize my fears. Without knowing the things I fear, it will be impossible for me to overcome them.

One of my greatest fears is that I will die never fulfilling the potential that I have been blessed with to make an impact on society. While I understand that there are certain things I enjoy and perhaps excel at, I am fearful sometimes of seeing those things through. Do not ask me why… if I could figure that out there would be no issue. So with that in mind, I feel comfortable and secure in the choices I have made recently. My recent movements professionally and personally are efforts to help me realize my true potential and purpose.

In fact this very blog that I am writing in is a very big step forward for me as a person. I have seen growth in my world perspective within the last year or so and these postings are proof. I enjoy writing but I do not like to write. Does that make any sense? I am positive that most of you will look at that statement and recall the English lesson in high school on oxymorons. You know like jumbo shrimp, pretty ugly or awfully nice. But yes, I do not like to write. In other words, I procrastinate just about every time I have the smallest inkling to write down a thought or story that I create in my mind. Just sharing this weakness of mine though is a big step forward. I have been encouraged to share some of the things that I have written but it is difficult to shed a lot of the fears that come along with that. “What if people don’t like it?” “What if they look at me differently or respect me less because of my opinion?” “Who would want to read what I have to say?” The answer is……WHO CARES? That’s right, if I am concerned that people will not respect my opinion or don’t want to read what I have to write then maybe that would be sharing for the wrong reason. Some people will K.I.M. (Keep It Moving) but there may be those that can relate and benefit from what I decide to share (that goes for anything any of us hesitate to do because of the fear of others’ opinions).

This entry was supposed to be about my transition here in the Denver area but I felt compelled to continue the thought process that started in the first sentence. But to K.I.M…. I have been in Denver for almost a month and a half now. Felicia and I have settled nicely into our new home. Colorado is certainly different than places I have lived in the past but in a lot of ways I feel very comfortable here. I know I am a long way from Puerto Rico and Connecticut but there is something very comfortable about being in the “Mile High City”. I’ve talked to some of my close friends about the mistake of birth. Really this conversation focuses on the randomness that surrounds our birth into this world. Yes, yes, yes, I believe that things happen for a reason but it’s very tough at times to discern that reason immediately. However, a newborn has no control over the wealth accumulation habits of its parents, the values that will be instilled in him/her or the type of government that will control his country. It is also true that a newborn has no control over what part of the world it will live in.

One of the things I enjoyed most about the college admissions process was for the first time in my life I had an opportunity to select where I wanted, not only be educated but live. I think that enhanced my college experience greatly. I also think that the reasons I chose to move to San Juan and now Denver have helped shape my perception of them as a cozy home, catering to my basic needs as an individual.

We live within the city limits of Denver but are within walking distance from the City of Aurora. The Denver/Aurora area is unique in a lot of ways. The demographics tend to be shaped by young families from a variety of backgrounds. While working at Westwood College (a story unto itself) I sat next to a guy who is half Black and Puerto Rican (go figure!). In fact his grandparents live in the very same section of the town that I spent 3 ½ months living while on the island. There is a strong contingency of Koreans along with a Black, Ethiopian, and of course a Mexican presence. There seem to be a number of implants to Colorado. Southern California, Chicago and Texas seem to be the most popular points of origin but I have been surprised to meet people that are either from Connecticut or attended Uconn.

There is an active outdoor culture here in Colorado and Felicia and I have caught the fever. We got mountain bikes and accessories to take advantage of the miles and miles of trail here in the Denver Metro area. Almost all of the residential neighborhoods are connected to this enormous system of trails that will take you anywhere from Downtown to Littleton (south of our area). The Downtown area itself is home to a number of sports facilities including a beautiful Major League ballpark (Coors Field) and all of the trappings of an urban center complete with quality dinning, entertainment and shopping. The public transportation here is also a major upgrade over the last two places I have lived. We look forward to taking advantage of all of the Colorado getaways including the hot springs, Aspen, Red Rocks, Royal Gorge and many more. Recently we spent a day in Boulder along the foothills. Boulder is home to Colorado University (one of the most beautiful college campuses I have ever seen) and a very interesting and eclectic mix of individuals. We certainly enjoyed walking along the cobblestone streets, inaccessible to motor vehicles, taking in the sites and sounds.

When we first moved out here I took a position as an Admission Representative with a local college called Westwood. Westwood is a non-traditional school heavily advertised in the newspaper and on television here in Colorado. The school is represented in seven different states and offers online courses as well. The programs of study range from Computer Programming to HVAC. My role was to respond to generated leads and in order, make outbound calls, get contacts, conduct interviews, take applications and ultimately get the student enrolled. Had I not been in training for almost two weeks, I would have lasted about two and a half weeks on the job.

We worked in a bullpen and followed a script of about seven pages. It was certainly outbound dialing…or better knows as “smiling and dialing”. Everything was structured and there was very little creativity or ingenuity involved. I felt strongly that this was not a step forward for me. But part of me knew that going into the job, yet I expected that I would at least be able to manage it a bit longer.

Luckily however, I kept my options open and continued to seek out opportunities that would better fit my talents and needs. I still have a strong desire to pursue interests close to my heart, but I felt that I needed to accept a position offered to me three weeks ago. E*Trade Financial started as a marketing group and eventually became the online brokerage house that so many people are familiar with today. I was offered a position as a Relationship Manager (an internal advisor/broker) in their local Denver Center. E*Trade has been looking to expand its presence and has established brick and mortar locations in the country biggest cities. My role as a client liaison is to manage a “book of business” of 250 of the top clients in our territory for the purpose of cross selling, retention and new accounts. Without really having to do a lot of the things I was breaking away from, I was able to get back into the industry where I have the most experience and could leverage a very rare opportunity. The next day I walked into my manager’s office at Westwood College and asked if he had ever seen the Godfather… because I got an offer that I couldn’t refuse.

I take the Light Rail into Downtown every morning at 7 am and take the half hour trip to read the flavor of the moment (currently, A Covenant With Black America). I can’t tell you how comfortable and excited I am about the recent transition in this part of my life. There are many things I began to realize that I missed about being in a professional business environment. The unfortunate part is that they are flying me out to LA for training this weekend. I have to spend 10 days in the Crown Plaza on Redondo Beach – lol. Felicia will be joining me for 4 days so we are excited about our mini vacation.

Oh well. I think I am beginning to run out of steam. I have so much more to share but maybe that will give me fuel to continue to write to you. I am making some progress in my personal collection of writings but I am looking forward to overcoming those fears I mentioned. I guess I just have to start with one sentence and build from there. Be on the lookout for pictures and if for some reason you don’t get them, let me know and I will send them over (Yahoo limits the amount of people I can email at once so I have to send multiple emails and sometimes I think addresses get lost in translation).

Peace and love! MJ

Roo to my LB’s…that nasty Ohio State line 3XMBBTTS, 5/14, 5:03:18…pound puppies to old dogs… ’99 to infinity…Happy Birthday – That Owt Ace, LiveWire a.k.a. Thirsty Que