Before I moved to Puerto Rico, I found myself just writing everywhere I went. I could no longer concentrate while in meetings or at work. The following is a sample of some of my thoughts as I would just write down how I felt on a pad. It’s funny because some of my favorite writings have come when I was supposed to be doing other things.

When the mind and heart has a lot to share things seem to just flow write off the tip of the pen. These selections out of my Personal Pages that I will be posting over the next few weeks have never been shared. But I guess now is as good a time as any….

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If I can put it down on paper maybe one day it will come true. My dreams, hopes and aspirations are long overdue. It’s my time to shine and rewind the tape that has been filming my life right back to the spliced piece giving me the headache and regret that I have sitting right here at this desk.

I’m trapped even though my cube only has three walls; it’s more like an invisible fence around my mind that cages freedom and self choice. But this is what I wanted. This is what my definition of success was walking down the aisle of the converted courtyard at my Alma Mater. It was one day where the usually dismal and scholastic feel of a small liberal arts school was transformed into a welcome area for family members and people that up until that point forgot why you went to school. Or maybe it was me who forgot why I went to school.

At this point I have more questions than answers. But that’s what my family always told me. “You sure do ask a lot of questions”. Yet, for me that was the only way to get the answers I needed. But at some point I stopped asking questions. I stopped wanting answers for the unresolved because in my mind I already had the solution. Little did I know that unlike school, there is no syllabus for life. There is no degree to attain besides the Batchelor of Reality. But some people feel like the longer they stay in school, the less they will have to deal with the reality of life. But what is real anyway?

My reality is different than yours and my current reality is different than what I really want. Sure, if I want it I can have it, as long as I understand that there are certain expectations to be understood. If I could sit myself down and ask myself what it is I want out of life I would have to respond by saying, “the most I can possibly get”. I want it all like Biggie Smalls said…”from the Rolex to the Lexus, getting paid was all I expected ”. But that’s only part of the answer. While I think that acquiring material items are important to attain the freedom and comfort I want out of life, I now believe that there is more. My 9-5 won’t help me become a better citizen, friend or brother. My job won’t define what my life stood for in the end and in fact it is true that I no longer want to follow the path laid out for me. I no longer accept the “traditional” school of thought when it comes to navigating my existence on this Earth.

Traditional in some cases merely implies that nothing has changed and that creativity, personality and self awareness need not be part of the equation. My heart pounds as it attempts to show me the right direction. Now it’s time for me to listen!