Yes I was writing while I was in Puerto Rico. I had been working on a manuscript but I completely scrapped it when I came across the stuff I wrote while I was off the mainland. Between my diary and loose pages of thoughts, I plan to put together a memoir.

Coming Soon! Square PeglRound Hole Publishing presents Yo Soy Boricua - a book by Michael Terrell

September 7, 2005

Almost a year ago to this date I listened in awe as a new aquintance shared her story of traveling to her family’s place of origin to explore her culture (Greek). Now here I lay in bed just west of San Juan in a town called Toa Baja, Puerto Rico….

About The Book

A story of self-reflection and choices, Yo Soy Boricua follows the journey of a 2nd generation American Puerto Rican seeking solace in his family’s homeland. Joy, fear and loneliness are just some of the emotions detailed in this memoir. Overcoming culture shock and learning how to adapt in a strange, yet some how very familiar land highlights the growth of this “gringo”.

Passage:

Although I did see the Nutcracker when I was a young boy, I barely remember the performance. But now as the shrill of what would be the snare drums in a live rendition is now just an analog sound bite blasting through my LG model cell phone at 5:30am. Most days I ponder the tireless question, ‘which came first, the cell phone or the rooster’? The considerate bugle boy of our neighborhood troop sounds off as if he had been waiting up all night for this opportunity. Time seems to be of no consequence most mornings as it is the pattern that I must be faithful to mostly. It starts the previous night when I fall asleep having just tried to put a major dent in an Esmeralda Santiago book or self-administering a shot of functional Spanish lessons in my tiny room. Typically I’m comforted by the smell of burning incense, the occasional late night heat storm or that tropical rain that tends to beat on the aluminum roof like a fraternity of skeletons trying to re-live their glory days…

A common expression used for a good book is a “page turner”. It’s easy to understand the meaning of this expression if you have experienced two things: (1) A story that you are unable to relate to and reads very slowly…may even seem dull (2) A story that seems to draw you in so you feel a connection to what is being detailed with words…somehow it’s appealing to you and captures your interest. Without having had both of these experiences, I would venture to say that you couldn’t really appreciate a “page turner” which would obviously be the later of the two described above.

For me, my life has been a “page turner” as of late. Not because I have been in a rush to get to the end (although I am keenly aware that there will be an end; that keeps me motivated to enjoy each page) but because it is uniquely mine and I have put myself in a story that appeals to me and ultimately makes me happy. I think that is so overrated these days and 1 year ago this month I began to really think about what it was that was going to make me happy (it was around my birthday on the 17th of course). Without thinking about what I was “supposed” to do or what was”right”… for once I paused to ask myself…‘WHAT IS IT THAT YOU WANT OUT OF YOUR LIFE?’ Not, ‘what job do you want?’ Not ‘how much money do you want to make’. Not even ‘what will make your resume look good?’ Just simply…’what do you want out of life?’ Because when I turn that last page, the answers to any the above questions will not really matter.

So I sat down last year and scripted the following answers:

- To be orderly in person and work
- To not fear mistakes; only the absence of a response
- To contribute to the success of others that follow my path
- To maintain integrity at all times
- To make money a slave to my personal pursuits
- To become financially independent over time
- To seek first to understand, then to be understood
- To exercise wisdom in what I chose to eat
- To act and not be acted upon
- To keep free of addictive and destructive habits
- To continue to develop my awareness of culture, identity and personal strengths
- To learn from those that have come before me
- To continue to seek knowledge and new proficiencies
- To remember that true wisdom is a balance of knowledge and compassion
- To choose long term happiness over short term joy
- To have a family to protect and love

and the biggest one for me

- TO CHALLENGE MYSELF OUTSIDE OF MY COMFORT ZONE

Having listened to my heart last year, I finalized a decision that my mind took many months to cope with. In fact, I think my mind was so set on auto pilot that it actually began to send aggressive signals to my neuro center. Some of you may know that I battled long and hard against a quirky (by no means dangerous or painful - as I’m sure we all know people that have dealt with or are dealing with serious disorders that are much more threatening) neurological disorder that literally put my body into fits when my mind was triggered by one of a few things including stress, nervousness, fatigue and anxiety.

When I finally realized that my body was screaming for me to ignore my instincts and to listen to my unconscious (some may be able to better relate to the subconscious but unconscious would include listening to yourself in dream state as well) I knew that I had to do the one thing I felt was right. The one thing that I had regretted for so long and never realized it until I dealt with it. It was the fact that I never felt close to the island or culture of Puerto Rico. That in all the years that I was around Spanish speaking family, I never learned the language. That I breezed through all sorts of Spanish courses and never felt adequate enough to practice. That I would go my entire life working, working, working, working, working and never understand what it was like for my family to live in such a BEAUTIFUL place!

When I finally decided to visit the island… alone… last April I fell in love with everything that it represented for me personally. It was the start of a brand new book and this one is definitely a “page turner”. When I started listening to myself, what do you know? Slowly but surely my body began to twitch a little less and I started to do the things I knew I should be doing for myself and could no longer wait to an undetermined time in the future to make it happen.

I hit the gym like a mad man, I took control of my dietary habits, and started to be honest with myself and others. “No” became a part of my vocabulary and I was able to resist the feeling of having to deal with other people’s priorities! So that’s how I ended up moving to Puerto Rico. Now six months later I can say that my book is still as interesting… a bestseller in my opinion.

But I am writing today to tell you that I am moving on to the next chapter. Who reads the same page of the same book everyday? Not me (by the way I have to admit that I have been sucked into Harry Potter and will not stop until they are all read. On my way to #5 this week)!!!!!!!! I am no longer in Puerto Rico and took the best deal I could find into NYC two weeks ago. Yes, that’s right I’m back in good ol‘ Connecticut. Back on the mainland and it’s just as cold as I remember.

It’s unfortunate in some ways because (and this is no lie) I got about 7 emails from people who were seriously considering booking a trip to PR anywhere between the end of February to September. Man I would have loved to have played host but hey…sticking it out would not have made me happy.

Without the luxury of a car, TV or disposable income, I spent a lot of time thinking and writing to and for myself (uh oh! dangerous I know). But, I also started to feel like I was settling into a routine. I was no longer challenging myself after a while. Having to deal with the Puerto Rican work culture also became very frustrating (story unto itself) and it became apparent that I had an uphill battle when my English lessons were slashed by the time I got back to the island from Christmas vacation. For me it was time for change and it was either move to Ponce and find a new place, job etc or make a dramatic change…but one that would not make me permanent.

I think I did a great job picking up Spanish and I probably picked up all that I could having moved to a city where you can certainly getaway with English. In fact most people want to show you how much they know and it takes me 10 minutes to explain to them that I need practice (”speak to me in Spanish“).

But, as some of you may know, the hardest thing for me was being away from Felicia (my girlfriend). We’ve gone through a lot together and my being away really tested us. In fact, there was a stretch where I didn’t know that we would end up back together but we were able to practice a lot of things that were easily masked by the fact that we could see each other ALL the time. We grew so much together that it actually got kind of gross. You know, up on the phone until 4-5am every night. I just checked myself one day and asked myself another set of questions. Was I still happy?-yes. Did I get what I wanted? - yes. Is there more for me to do here? -No….And that was it!!

For weeks Felicia and I had talked about my “re-entry” plan and it was to include us living together. It was also to include going after the things that I had identified as goals of mine. (1) Finding an opportunity in professional sports/sports broadcasting/or sports journalism (2) Living in or near a place that could stimulate me personally and provide opportunity professionally (thought it would be NYC) (3) Possibly pursue higher education such as an MBA program or a MFA in creative writing (although I’m pretty sure I want to pursue writing somehow and the MBA thing is still a relic from my days as “Mr. Practicality”).

Felicia is two years older than me and has felt for some time that she is ready to buy a place. Her mother is a realtor and she began the process of searching for 1st…Multi families as an investment 2nd…single family houses …. then the town changed every week until FINALLY I asked “where do you really want to live?” And I felt I knew the answer but wasn’t sure if she would actually tell me but for the entire two years that we re-connected (we actually met in college lost contact and bumped into each other…almost literally… at the the Taste of Hartford in 2004) she had expressed in some way shape or form that there was once place that she would LOVE to live. In her former role as talent scout for Model Search America she saw most of the major cities in the U.S.at least once, sometimes twice. Well……when she answered the question “where do you want to live?” she was honest. The answer Colorado.

I told her that it would have to be Denver because I needed to be near a city and that was that. We started looking at condos together online via email and the re-entry planning started. I thought I would shoot for a job with ESPN and live in central Connecticut with decent access to NYC but realizing the opportunities that potentially existed elsewhere I decided to challenge Felicia to follow her dream and let her know that I would support it and move with her so that we could start our own “page turner”.

I have done some extensive research and have applied to the Colorado Rockies internship program (long app and essay process) and have a job interview with a Sports Marketing firm and a local college. Felicia and I will be visiting Denver to look at places and interview next week 2/15-2/22. Things seem to be moving along as all of a sudden the dots are starting to connect in that “6 degrees of separation” circle. She has a childhood friend that coaches women’s basketball at Denver University and we have both run into people with ties to the state and I’m sure we will build a new network there in no time. Of course there is no replacement for family and close friends but we all need a support system.

My good friend Richard Brown with the Urban League of Greater Hartford has been working on a diversity career web site project for the league and when I reached out to him he asked if I would come on board and help him promote it. So right now I am working the lines and networks in Hartford to get employers to post their job openings at ULCareerCenter.com and to participate in the annual Urban League Career Fair.

I miss Puerto Rico but coming back to the main land was the right move. I am happy and excited about what the future holds. Denver has been rated a great place for health conscious people, Latinos and young professionals. They have 7 professional sports teams and have an overall love of the outdoors. The Rocky mountains play the backdrop for the downtown area and there is a whole new world out west that I will be exploring.

So with that, I am not signing off!! I hope that it is okay that I keep you with me as I continue to e-journal my journey through my own story (a story that I am now sharing of course). — Break a routine and challenge yourself to”take the road less traveled”—- I’m Gone!!!

P.S. If your idea of a vacation is seclusion and white sand beaches, you MUST visit the island of Culebra in your life.