I’ve spent 30 years fine tuning the roles I play in life. Of course I was a son before I became a student and a brother before I became a professional. My guess is that you understand this logic so far, but here is something you may not have an answer for… how do I prioritize what I enjoy most about each of my current roles (husband, brother, son, employee, friend)?

That is, how do I adjust for what may well be the most important role I will ever have as a man, “Dad”? Will this be a natural transition that yields to instinct? Or rather, will my progression be a learned skill that requires that I compartmentalize some of my current routines? Does that mean I may slight my wife as her husband or become less of a friend in the process?

Sure I have more questions than answers, but the journey and discovery phase of what I am experiencing as an expecting father brings true joy at this stage in life. It brings true joy in spite of the fact that at times I feel helpless when I confront the truth of having to fill yet another role. As much as I have denied it over time, I am NOT a multi-tasker. With that in mind, how will I shuffle the cards that life has dealt?

I think the answer has to be faith. Now I’m not talking about faith as in a higher being (topic for another time). I mean faith in the true meaning of believing in the unkown to the point of express optimism. When I went to college I brought as many of the suggested dorm nick-nacks as possible, yet in hindsight, none of those items helped me survive life as a co-ed. I picked out work clothes when I was hired by a life insurance company after graduation, yet clothes did not prepare me for the culture shock of corporate America.

Like the dorm nick-nacks and the business attire, I believe the toys, onesies and diapers (plenty of those) are a great start. However, it will be the faith I have of knowing that I will succeed in my new role as father that will see me through the onslaught of internal questioning and doubt. The successful progression of a man has to be defined as his ability to adapt to each new role that life brings.

Some boys never become men and some men with children never become fathers. In the end, my fear of failing to progress in my life journey fuels my blind trust.

It’s funny how the holiday season brings more than just family from out of town. It ushers in the allowed time for forward thinking. It’s the season of the “clean slate”, defined by resolve and dedication birthed out of weakness and lack of focus for the previous 12 months.

Keeping pace with this theme, I have taken a resolute stance on tackling some self imposed negative habits. Now don’t let my words mislead you. I haven’t picked up a drug habit or suddenly started keeping a flask in my desk. Instead, I have allowed routine and comfort to replace my hunger for achievement and creative outlets. In short, I’ve gotten away from things I know I should be doing and replaced them with sedentary activity that has been less than stimulating.

Thirty seconds would be all I would need to rattle off a list of excuses about why I have been less than driven lately. I could easily tell you that it’s starting to get cold outside, that it gets darker earlier, my work hours are ridiculous or that my wife is pregnant (the later I must admit I have used when it comes to my sudden desire to eat any time Felicia does). Excuses aside, I know what my theme for 2008 will have to be for me to achieve growth as a person and a member of nuclear family (side note: I love the obscure concept of the nuclear family. What on Earth is that?)

DISCIPLINE!

That’s right! A shot of self administered determination to remain disciplined in all aspects of my life. A patch on my arm or a pack of gum won’t help me break my addiction to normalcy. But what WILL it take?

It’s interesting that I’ve chosen discipline as a resolution for the new year because of all of the thoughts I have had lately about fatherhood.

TO BE CONTINUED…